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passerca_20160724

by xcollyx

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1.
God I pray for my mom and my dad and my older brother and my older sister my younger brother and their significant others please protect them from ghosts please just love them the most and I pray for my friend Wes and my friends in my old bands maybe all my ex-girlfriends cuz oh god yeah I miss them and I pray for my old friends and pray for my new friends and pray for the wicked and sing for the sick and all are lost all who are broken whatever it costs just to have spoken for the outcasts and the lonely I’m trying now not to sound too phony sometimes it hurts but I know i’m dirt what ever you want I’ll give what I got
2.
Bitter for the rest of my life eight songs off the record anything to make it right not a big deal it could be worse than knowing what we want to sign up for every chance that you said no to everything to make it right try and make me talk and think at the same time and all my friends are feeling tired sort of dead but death inspired hanging from wire on a landline alone and hanging with a friend on a dying phone stuck at the restaurant let myself get caught fucked at the restaurant I just want what you want wish I had the guts that Chris had wish I sang the way that he sand wanna talk the way that he talks wanna yell the way that he yells please forgive him don’t you want old friends? call me Sunday I wanna hang I don’t care what gets lost just keep my stuff and let me hang with my worthless please forgive him don’t you want old friends? call me Sunday I wanna hang I don’t care what gets lost just keep my stuff and let me hang with my bitter friends bitter for the rest of my life eight songs off the record anything to make it right not a big deal it could be worse
3.
Same clothes as yesterday similar friend and the same exact seat and I swipe my card and tip the same unique transaction ID another gender ID for friends that can’t relate to me she says I want go home cry and smoke some weed just please don’t take this from me she says i know it don’t belong to me but don’t please don’t take this from me and i know it don’t belong to me but I can take this I can take this everything is different when I feel this way and the weight of the world exists in my face and scratch her on the arm and wish it away oh sweetie you’re not from this place but really all she says thanks and goodbye real quick and I stand there arms on my side I’m reaching for my headphones can’t even think can’t react can’t act like I wanna take her home see my arms are mostly skin and when you bite into the flesh the white you see is purity and structure goodness all my empathy see my arms are mostly skin and when you bite into the flesh I bleed but I don’t cry I’m here for you and I can take this I can take this I can take this I can take this
4.
Our pastor told this joke that some weeks he checks and hopes while he’s reading the obituary his name’s not there they laugh he carries on to his main point but I didn’t really listen 'cause I didn’t wanna listen but I probably should’ve really listened ‘cause some day he might die he’s like seventy nine yeah some day he will die he’s like seventy nine and I won’t fly back here I probably won’t even hear about it and I won’t fly back here I probably won’t even hear about it and I won’t fly back here I probably won’t even hear about it and I won’t fly back here I probably won’t even hear about it he said there’s something about singing songs that makes me feel like I belong here I said as long that there’s a kick drum pounding my face until it’s numb I belong here as long as there are walls that keep all the bad noise out and the auto-tune is measured and erases all my doubt I keep pouring into you but I am close to running out and i am probably gonna die here while you are missing out and you won’t fly back there you won’t even hear about it you won’t fly you won't hear
5.
Take eleven with your eyes closed I know you don’t care when you do this to me this is all for this is all for we don’t talk about this we won’t talk about it when you talk you talk to everyone when you talk you talk to everyone everyone says please keep this quiet and keep it secret and keep it private don’t pretend like it’s their business don’t pretend like we can fix this so we don’t talk about this we won’t talk about it I won’t talk to everyone I won’t talk with your eyes closed I know you don’t care when you do this to me this is all for this is all for we don’t talk about this we won’t talk about it I won’t talk to anyone I won’t talk to anyone
6.
I said enough’s enough but on this night you are a hunter I am going with my gut but I know we’re gonna suffer I am trying to be better I don’t feel like I’m a person I am looking at the letters when the words are so much worse than how it feels to be controlled how it feels to be alone how it feels to be ignored how it feels to hold a phone hold me down hang me up fling me over fold me under hold me down hang me up just rehearse it like another he gets headaches like a Psyduck when he’s mad I know that i’m fucked he’s above me and it hurts me but I didn’t want to suck I am trying to be better I don’t feel like I’m a person I am looking at the letters when the words are so much worse than you
7.
It's another Monday night that I’ve decided to shave because I can’t work from home tomorrow I am trying to read a collection of letters by my favorite suicidal author and I am writing a book about growing up even though I had a decent father but maybe sixty thousand words won’t ever change a thing and maybe Five Long Years wasn’t good enough to sing so what’s the point? if none of this gets better and none of this gets practiced and all of it just ends up in the trash what’s the point if none of this matters?
8.
It’s another friday night and i’ll probably have to go outside 'cause honestly I am so bored and alone i’ll probably have to go get boba alone at the same place that we used to go to every other Saturday morning or afternoon just working on homework filling out job apps telling stupid jokes just to make each other laugh but that was like way back in November then it was December then January then February then finally fucking March and now we’re broken up now we’re broken up now we’re broken up inside and it’s funny how we fell apart from the inside watch each other burn and break from the inside I saw you fall apart from the inside you saw me fall apart 'cause when I stopped sleeping over that’s when it got worse stop sleeping over that’s when it gets worse put your guard up now put your fists up now get your guard up gotta keep your guard up now
9.
We graduated loved what we hated slept in a bunk bed and never abandoned our friends we're so loyal and drunk and alone but god sort of loves us and mom says she proud dad's still around but he's so old now and it's so old now and it's so old now oh I'm turning twenty four this year and making plenty money here new star wars comes out this year but it feels like light years home from here
10.
eyes (demo) 03:32
she says I know it’s been like ten or twenty year but tell me something honest for once and I know you got these fears of being judged sweetie, but I promise I’ll only ask you once he said, captain planet probably gonna kill me for everything I’ve done to my world you’re my new world now I’ve eaten so many planet like a leech I’m a leech I'm like three hundred pounds and he knows he won’t ever have the guts to look her in the eyes and he knows he won’t ever have the guts to look her in the eyes her piercing eyes I got a star-level temper and anxiety disorder I can’t love you forever this cigarettes will kill me it’ll be quick and sudden I am only getting older and your eyes are like nothing but a chip on my shoulder it’ll be quick and sudden i am only getting older and your words are just a burden it's only getting slower I thought it’d be quick and sudden but it’s only getting slower it's only getting slower it's only getting slower it's only getting slower now he knows he won’t ever have the guts to look her in the eyes–it’s pathetic but he knows he won’t ever have the guts to look her in the eyes her piercing eyes
11.
Six year subscription to this neighborhood that runs out of space inside it's train cars try to speak up to the guys at the cafes try to speak up for myself when I'm hustled giving guys cash just to get them off my back and saying these lies for my online feed giving white girls eyes inside these train cars flashback to videos from last night's scars looking out the black glass seeing my reflection seeing you stand there behind my back I see you stab me I hear you screaming why does growing up sometimes mean bleeding? why does growing up sometimes mean leaving? six year subscription to this neighborhood lost in outer space in a no fee apartment please just kill me / I don't belong here fambam won't care and I'm not scared 'cause this isn't mine and growing up is probably a lie I left my name but I shouldn't be ashamed it's not mine and growing up is probably a lie I stole your name but I'm not the one to blame looking out the black glass seeing my reflection seeing you stand there behind my back I see you stab me I hear you screaming why does growing up sometimes mean bleeding? why does growing up sometimes mean leaving? it doesn't make sense to me;
12.
I got a friend that fought a guy that took himself out right outside her apartment and I couldn’t sleep so I laid flat back on the carpet I wonder if I wanna hold your hand as your mom gets old and dies from something sad like being sad and it’s not her fault it’s not her fault that she’s alone and you might end up like her it’s probably not her fault but go ahead go ahead and if all the guilt’s too much then go ahead go head and if that’s what you want then go ahead go ahead go ahead and end up like her I don’t care about my friends I don’t care about this city I don’t care about my job I don’t care where I belong I don’t drink enough water and I get a lot of headaches are you breathing in the dust that sitting still just seems to make? are you breathing in all the dust through your nose on your side on the ground in the carpet making all these empty promises? breathing in all the dust through your nose on your side on the ground in the carpet making all these empty promises and I am sitting at this park I am talking to this girl I am hoping it gets dark and I am hoping that the world gets a little bit smaller and the coasts gets swallowed by the oceans and the sharks and maybe also get taller I am sorry I am lost and I don't know where I am going but I am sitting at the park and I am hoping it gets dark and we are sitting at the park we are having a great time we are hoping it gets dark and you're home won't become mine
13.
He's asking how you are you know exactly what he's doing he's asking about the pain you tell the truth but it's annoying for second he'll feel close to you for a minute you will tell the truth then everything will change everything will change i don't miss you just miss your skin and playing this game saying exactly what you want me to say
14.
I’m bumping up that Tove Lo Kitty, Watsky, WHY?, employers ask me if I’m white I wish that I could say no I don’t need my top two strings I give into self-promotion singing quick confessionals but when I talk I’m in slow motion I don’t like my rival bands I’m just playing in the sand I don’t mind their gentle hearts but I need stick to my plans I liked her front bottom but it’s a sad joke she was mad I couldn’t stand the dragging (dragon?) words that she spoke saying I need you to talk for once and figure this out for me and look in my eyes kiss my skin then break your bones and heal our souls with your white collar black jeans Bobs Burgers fuck me my names is Tina to my friends but call me Dina’s what I tell them wearing headphones like necklace hoping I will hear your voice I am always skipping breakfast it’s my burden; it’s my choice your eye contact is eating me your heart is mine is empathy you spread the blood across the bread I hear the crisp of the burnt edge side step I’m coming back much worser charge me side step I’m coming back sad jokes enough of me
15.
Switching train cars taking chances chances aren't far get your eyes locked for a second hold it loose there on the white girl with the brown hair -> feeding fighting fleeing fucking wondering who you are thinking something feeling nothing when I write these stupid songs I have this dream where Lizzie grabs ours hands she says I forgive you now forgive each other then I look into my ex's eyes for the first and probably last time --> I saw the back of this girl's head and it reminded of how I try and get over girls by talking to other girls or watching girls or being sexist and every time I hang with Matt we talk it through again again with tapioca, coffee, soda take straw out tip the cup back and chew the ice with no reluctance take straw out tip the cup back and chew the ice with all the madness -> --> take straw out tip the cup back and chew the ice ignore her and now I'm here again.
16.
idky 03:19
I never what they meant anytime that they said they felt alive I listen to their songs on repeat living someone else's life and I never knew what they meant couldn't hear what they said couldn't feel what they felt couldn't say what they said kinda wished I was dead when they said they felt alive they felt alive and Nate says, you look a little down and I say, man, take a look around and Elise says, "you look a little glum" and I say, well, "I feel a little glum" and I want someone why so I can say, "well tbh idky but it's ok" I see them jerk the wheel back and forth and it's worth the friends we lose and the friends we choose and the voice I hear and all the fear I want someone why so I can say, "well tbh idky but it's ok"
17.
Blonde girls with straight hair and small bones and nowhere with friends with no tattoos just boys shows on their feet they don’t lose their patience their complaints are funny their favorite saints are obscure their first dates are insecure I got this, I want this, I need this–not really but show me your eyes when they look into mine what this is, what we want, feel everything but that it’ll probably take a week for this nail to grow back he said: "this is all i can offer" I said please oh god stop saying that I said I don’t mean to be a bother but please can you please get off my back for once fake laughs and sad baths be honest retweet this if you’ve ever felt like a bitch so these lyrics about passion everything we lost or changed bad decisions and street names he said: "this is all i can offer" I said please oh god stop saying that.
18.
I left West LA when I was eighteen for the colder coast and I forgot to say bye to my brother I started crying so I sent him a text he wrote back pretty quick: I’ll see you another couple of months yeah, it kind of sucks he is the funniest guy I know. and it’s the first time I’ll have a room of my own I wasn't happy when I left all my hapa friends behind so I did my very best to write them sad songs goodbye I walked this girl home from class she said, "you didn't really have to do that" I made a best friend who made me realize I’m shorter than I think he said I use the word cool too much much more than I think he said here is the story of the girl I liked in high school I said here is my lack of drama he said here are my secrets the worst things that I’ve done in my life I said I’ve never been in a fight before; I gotta I got a lot of anger inside a narrator in my head that lies I got an oobleck heart and sometimes when my girlfriend kisses me she has to stop and ask if I'm all right? I shake my head and start to cry when is this movie over? and how did it get so late? what’s the point of all this? well I wouldn’t really know what to say what made you think that you’d find happiness here? I say I’ve had enough of this, you say that’s bullshit.

about

all #fly 2 and idky ep demos in order of release; I was releasing them one by one under the name Passer in the spring and summer of 2016.

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released March 25, 2016

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xcollyx Los Angeles, California

no puedo morir

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