1. |
my prayers (demo)
02:31
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God I pray for my
mom and my dad
and my older brother
and my older sister
my younger brother
and their significant others
please protect them from ghosts
please just love them the most
and I pray for my friend Wes
and my friends in my old bands
maybe all my ex-girlfriends
cuz oh god yeah I miss them
and I pray for my old friends
and pray for my new friends
and pray for the wicked
and sing for the sick and
all are lost
all who are broken
whatever it costs
just to have spoken
for the outcasts
and the lonely
I’m trying now
not to sound too phony
sometimes it hurts but
I know i’m dirt what
ever you want
I’ll give what I got
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2. |
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Bitter for the rest of my life
eight songs off the record
anything to make it right
not a big deal it could be worse than
knowing what we want to sign up for
every chance that you said no to
everything to make it right
try and make me talk and think at the same time
and all my friends are feeling tired
sort of dead but death inspired
hanging from wire on a landline alone
and hanging with a friend on a dying phone
stuck at the restaurant
let myself get caught
fucked at the restaurant
I just want what you want
wish I had the guts that Chris had
wish I sang the way that he sand
wanna talk the way that he talks
wanna yell the way that he yells
please forgive him don’t you want old friends?
call me Sunday I wanna hang
I don’t care what gets lost just keep my stuff
and let me hang with my worthless
please forgive him don’t you want old friends?
call me Sunday I wanna hang
I don’t care what gets lost just keep my stuff
and let me hang with my bitter friends
bitter for the rest of my life
eight songs off the record
anything to make it right
not a big deal it could be worse
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3. |
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Same clothes as yesterday
similar friend and the same exact seat
and I swipe my card and tip the same
unique transaction ID
another gender ID for friends
that can’t relate to me
she says I want go home cry and smoke some weed
just please don’t take this from me
she says i know it don’t belong to me
but don’t please don’t take this from me
and i know it don’t belong to me
but I can take this I can take this
everything is different when I feel this way
and the weight of the world exists in my face
and scratch her on the arm and wish it away
oh sweetie you’re not from this place
but really all she says thanks and goodbye
real quick and I stand there arms on my side
I’m reaching for my headphones
can’t even think can’t react can’t act
like I wanna take her home
see my arms are mostly skin
and when you bite into the flesh the white
you see is purity and structure
goodness all my empathy
see my arms are mostly skin and when
you bite into the flesh I bleed
but I don’t cry I’m here for you and
I can take this I can take this
I can take this I can take this
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4. |
auto-tune me (demo)
03:15
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Our pastor told this joke
that some weeks he checks and hopes
while he’s reading the obituary
his name’s not there they laugh
he carries on to his main point
but I didn’t really listen 'cause I didn’t wanna listen
but I probably should’ve really listened ‘cause
some day he might die
he’s like seventy nine
yeah some day he will die
he’s like seventy nine
and I won’t fly back here
I probably won’t even hear about it
and I won’t fly back here
I probably won’t even hear about it
and I won’t fly back here
I probably won’t even hear about it
and I won’t fly back here
I probably won’t even hear about it
he said there’s something about singing songs
that makes me feel like I belong here
I said as long that there’s a kick drum
pounding my face until it’s numb I belong here
as long as there are walls that keep all the bad noise out
and the auto-tune is measured and erases all my doubt
I keep pouring into you but I am close to running out
and i am probably gonna die here while you are missing out
and you won’t fly back there
you won’t even hear about it
you won’t fly
you won't hear
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5. |
i won't talk (demo)
01:51
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Take eleven
with your eyes closed
I know you don’t care
when you do this to me
this is all for this is all for
we don’t talk about this
we won’t talk about it
when you talk you talk to everyone
when you talk you talk to everyone
everyone says please keep this quiet and
keep it secret and
keep it private
don’t pretend like it’s their business
don’t pretend like we can fix this
so we don’t talk about this
we won’t talk about it
I won’t talk to everyone
I won’t talk
with your eyes closed
I know you don’t care
when you do this to me
this is all for this is all for
we don’t talk about this
we won’t talk about it
I won’t talk to anyone
I won’t talk to anyone
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6. |
dead man (demo)
02:43
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I said enough’s enough
but on this night you are a hunter
I am going with my gut
but I know we’re gonna suffer
I am trying to be better
I don’t feel like I’m a person
I am looking at the letters
when the words are so much worse than
how it feels to be controlled
how it feels to be alone
how it feels to be ignored
how it feels to hold a phone
hold me down hang me up
fling me over fold me under
hold me down hang me up
just rehearse it like another
he gets headaches like a Psyduck
when he’s mad I know that i’m fucked
he’s above me and it hurts me
but I didn’t want to suck
I am trying to be better
I don’t feel like I’m a person
I am looking at the letters
when the words are so much worse than you
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7. |
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It's another Monday night that I’ve decided to shave
because I can’t work from home tomorrow
I am trying to read a collection of letters
by my favorite suicidal author
and I am writing a book about growing up
even though I had a decent father
but maybe sixty thousand words won’t ever change a thing
and maybe Five Long Years wasn’t good enough to sing
so what’s the point?
if none of this gets better
and none of this gets practiced
and all of it just ends up in the trash
what’s the point if none of this matters?
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8. |
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It’s another friday night
and i’ll probably have to go outside
'cause honestly I am so bored and alone
i’ll probably have to go get boba alone
at the same place that we used to go to
every other Saturday morning or afternoon
just working on homework filling out job apps
telling stupid jokes just to make each other laugh
but that was like way back in November
then it was December then January then February
then finally fucking March
and now we’re broken up
now we’re broken up
now we’re broken up inside
and it’s funny how we fell apart from the inside
watch each other burn and break from the inside
I saw you fall apart from the inside
you saw me fall apart
'cause when I stopped sleeping over
that’s when it got worse
stop sleeping over
that’s when it gets worse
put your guard up now
put your fists up now
get your guard up
gotta keep your guard up now
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9. |
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We graduated
loved what we hated
slept in a bunk bed
and never abandoned our friends
we're so loyal
and drunk and alone
but god sort of loves us
and mom says she proud
dad's still around
but he's so old now
and it's so old now
and it's so old now oh
I'm turning twenty four this year
and making plenty money here
new star wars comes out this year
but it feels like light years home from here
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10. |
eyes (demo)
03:32
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she says I know it’s been like ten or twenty year
but tell me something honest for once
and I know you got these fears of being judged
sweetie, but I promise I’ll only ask you once
he said, captain planet probably gonna kill me
for everything I’ve done to my world
you’re my new world now I’ve eaten so many planet
like a leech I’m a leech I'm like three hundred pounds
and he knows he won’t ever have the guts
to look her in the eyes
and he knows he won’t ever have the guts
to look her in the eyes her piercing eyes
I got a star-level temper
and anxiety disorder
I can’t love you forever
this cigarettes will kill me
it’ll be quick and sudden
I am only getting older
and your eyes are like nothing but
a chip on my shoulder
it’ll be quick and sudden
i am only getting older
and your words are just a burden
it's only getting slower
I thought it’d be quick and sudden
but it’s only getting slower it's
only getting slower it's
only getting slower it's
only getting slower now
he knows he won’t ever have the guts
to look her in the eyes–it’s pathetic
but he knows he won’t ever have the guts
to look her in the eyes her piercing eyes
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11. |
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Six year subscription to this neighborhood
that runs out of space inside it's train cars
try to speak up to the guys at the cafes
try to speak up for myself when I'm hustled
giving guys cash just to get them off my back
and saying these lies for my online feed
giving white girls eyes inside these train cars
flashback to videos from last night's scars
looking out the black glass
seeing my reflection
seeing you stand there behind my back
I see you stab me
I hear you screaming
why does growing up sometimes mean bleeding?
why does growing up sometimes mean leaving?
six year subscription to this neighborhood
lost in outer space in a no fee apartment
please just kill me / I don't belong here
fambam won't care and I'm not scared
'cause this isn't mine and growing up is probably a lie
I left my name but I shouldn't be ashamed
it's not mine and growing up is probably a lie
I stole your name but I'm not the one to blame
looking out the black glass
seeing my reflection
seeing you stand there behind my back
I see you stab me
I hear you screaming
why does growing up sometimes mean bleeding?
why does growing up sometimes mean leaving?
it doesn't make sense to me;
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12. |
dead fake friends (demo)
02:27
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I got a friend that fought a guy
that took himself out right outside her apartment
and I couldn’t sleep so I laid flat back on the carpet
I wonder if I wanna hold your hand as your mom gets
old and dies from something sad like being sad and it’s not her fault
it’s not her fault that she’s alone and you might end up like her
it’s probably not her fault but go ahead go ahead and
if all the guilt’s too much then go ahead go head and
if that’s what you want then go ahead go ahead
go ahead and end up like her
I don’t care about my friends
I don’t care about this city
I don’t care about my job
I don’t care where I belong
I don’t drink enough water
and I get a lot of headaches
are you breathing in the dust
that sitting still just seems to make?
are you breathing in all the dust
through your nose on your side
on the ground in the carpet
making all these empty promises?
breathing in all the dust
through your nose on your side
on the ground in the carpet
making all these empty promises
and I am sitting at this park
I am talking to this girl
I am hoping it gets dark
and I am hoping that the world gets
a little bit smaller
and the coasts gets swallowed
by the oceans and the sharks
and maybe also get taller
I am sorry I am lost and
I don't know where I am going
but I am sitting at the park
and I am hoping it gets dark
and we are sitting at the park
we are having a great time
we are hoping it gets dark
and you're home won't become mine
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13. |
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He's asking how you are
you know exactly what he's doing
he's asking about the pain
you tell the truth but it's annoying
for second he'll feel close to you
for a minute you will tell the truth
then everything will change
everything will change
i don't miss you
just miss your skin
and playing this game
saying exactly what you want me to say
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14. |
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I’m bumping up that Tove Lo
Kitty, Watsky, WHY?,
employers ask me if I’m white
I wish that I could say no
I don’t need my top two strings
I give into self-promotion
singing quick confessionals
but when I talk I’m in slow motion
I don’t like my rival bands
I’m just playing in the sand
I don’t mind their gentle hearts
but I need stick to my plans
I liked her front bottom
but it’s a sad joke
she was mad I couldn’t stand
the dragging (dragon?) words that she spoke
saying I need you to talk for once
and figure this out for me
and look in my eyes
kiss my skin
then break your bones
and heal our souls
with your white collar
black jeans
Bobs Burgers
fuck me
my names is Tina to my friends
but call me Dina’s what I tell them
wearing headphones like necklace
hoping I will hear your voice
I am always skipping breakfast
it’s my burden; it’s my choice
your eye contact is eating me
your heart is mine is empathy
you spread the blood across the bread
I hear the crisp of the burnt edge
side step
I’m coming back
much worser
charge me
side step
I’m coming back
sad jokes
enough of me
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15. |
here again again (demo)
02:36
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Switching train cars
taking chances
chances aren't far
get your eyes locked
for a second
hold it loose there
on the white girl
with the brown hair
->
feeding fighting fleeing fucking
wondering who you are
thinking something
feeling nothing
when I write these
stupid songs
I have this dream where Lizzie
grabs ours hands
she says I forgive you
now forgive each other
then I look into
my ex's eyes
for the first
and probably last time
-->
I saw the back of this girl's head
and it reminded of how I
try and get over girls
by talking to other girls
or watching girls or being sexist
and every time I hang with Matt we
talk it through again
again with tapioca, coffee, soda
take straw out
tip the cup back
and chew the ice
with no reluctance
take straw out
tip the cup back
and chew the ice
with all the madness
->
-->
take straw out
tip the cup back
and chew the ice
ignore her
and now I'm here again.
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16. |
idky
03:19
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I never what they meant
anytime that they said
they felt alive
I listen to their songs on repeat
living someone else's life
and I never knew what they meant
couldn't hear what they said
couldn't feel what they felt
couldn't say what they said
kinda wished I was dead
when they said they felt alive
they felt alive
and Nate says, you look a little down
and I say, man, take a look around
and Elise says, "you look a little glum"
and I say, well, "I feel a little glum"
and I want someone why
so I can say, "well tbh idky
but it's ok"
I see them jerk the wheel back and forth
and it's worth
the friends we lose
and the friends we choose
and the voice I hear
and all the fear
I want someone why
so I can say, "well tbh idky
but it's ok"
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17. |
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Blonde girls with straight hair
and small bones and nowhere
with friends with no tattoos
just boys shows on their feet
they don’t lose their patience
their complaints are funny
their favorite saints are obscure
their first dates are insecure
I got this, I want this, I need this–not really
but show me your eyes when they look into mine
what this is, what we want, feel everything but that
it’ll probably take a week for this nail to grow back
he said: "this is all i can offer"
I said please oh god stop saying that
I said I don’t mean to be a bother
but please can you please get off my back for once
fake laughs and sad baths be honest
retweet this if you’ve ever felt like a bitch
so these lyrics about passion
everything we lost or changed
bad decisions
and street names
he said: "this is all i can offer"
I said please oh god stop saying that.
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18. |
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I left West LA when I was eighteen
for the colder coast
and I forgot to say bye to my brother
I started crying so I sent him a text
he wrote back pretty quick:
I’ll see you another couple of months
yeah, it kind of sucks
he is the funniest guy I know.
and it’s the first time I’ll have a room of my own
I wasn't happy when I left all my hapa friends behind
so I did my very best to write them sad songs goodbye
I walked this girl home from class
she said, "you didn't really have to do that"
I made a best friend who made me realize
I’m shorter than I think
he said I use the word cool too much
much more than I think
he said here is the story of the girl I liked in high school
I said here is my lack of drama
he said here are my secrets the worst things that I’ve done in my life
I said I’ve never been in a fight before; I gotta
I got a lot of anger inside
a narrator in my head that lies
I got an oobleck heart
and sometimes when my girlfriend kisses me
she has to stop and ask if I'm all right?
I shake my head and start to cry
when is this movie over? and how did it get so late?
what’s the point of all this?
well I wouldn’t really know what to say
what made you think that you’d find happiness here?
I say I’ve had enough of this, you say that’s bullshit.
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